"Going to the Chapel..."

So last week I saw a dream, a vision of mine, standing right before my eyes. It was even more amazing and more beautiful than I had pictured. I was never the kind of girl who had these big dreams about her wedding day or planned every detail of it, but after my second sister's wedding a couple of years ago I sort of got to thinking about my own someday. I thought it would be nice to get married in a church, and for some reason I imagined a chapel-ish church with vaulted wood ceilings, wood pews, and stain glass windows. I'd never seen it before in person, but I saw it as clear as reality in my head. This beautiful church, multiplied by ten, is what I saw last week in Los Olivos, California. It is grand yet cozy, and for some silly reason it took my breath away and made me want to dance. Silly, ofcourse, because it's just a church...

Although it is just a church, it made me think about how real our dreams and desires can be. It made me think that if something as small and simple as the church I saw myself getting married in exists, then maybe the man I see myself marrying exists too. I don't expect him to be some fairytale, or perfection in anyway, but to be someone that fits me. I found this description of what one woman called her "dream man", and I would have to say it's mine too:

“You’re soft enough to hold me
And
Strong enough to let me roam
You’re patient enough to get to know me
And
Independent enough to live on your own
You’re man enough to know what love is
And
Boyish enough to make me smile
You’re old enough to understand life
And
Open enough to laugh at it all the while
You’re rich enough to know what really matters
And
Free from work enough to have a good time
You’re passionate enough to really enjoy kissing
And
Connected enough to know that making love is divine
You’re romantic enough to court me
And
Sweet enough to bring me flowers
You’re clever enough to get me thinking
And
Funny enough that together we laugh for hours
You’re aware enough to know your own feelings
And
Contemplative enough to share them with me
You’re honest enough to live with honor
And
Candid enough to know what the consequences of lying will be
You’re instinctive enough to read these words
And
See, that the qualities I desire in you are the same ones you see in me”

What I want to find is something so much more than just a feeling. I'm not looking for eternal butterflies in my stomach, or to dance on cloud nine removed from the realities of day to day life. I want a real life person, someone willing to put time and effort and hard work into his relationships because he understands they need it to grow. I don't want someone who makes me want to be a better person, but someone who I feel free to be the best me around. I want someone with a great heart.

The older I get and the more I do, the more I wish he were standing beside me celebrating my successes and crying over my letdowns. But I don't want just anybody standing beside me. I'm not so eager to be a part of a couple that I won't take the time to find the right one, because I don't fall into feelings that easily. Though I get lonely without him, I have a lot to do and things to accomplish to keep my life fulfilling. I know that life doesn't begin just because I find someone to love. I think that meeting him, getting to know him, falling in love with him, and spending my life with him will only add to the fulfillment I'm already finding on my own (though I think a life without him would never be the same).

So that's where a beautiful church in Los Olivos led me :) I'm tired for the night, and daunted by a 6:30am alarm clock, so I'll end this here blog for now. Goodnight!